He deals the cards as a meditation
And those he plays never suspect
He doesn't play for the money he wins
He don't play for respect
He deals the cards to find the answer
The sacred geometry of chance
The hidden law of a probable outcome
The numbers lead a dance
I know that the spades are the swords of a soldier
I know that the clubs are weapons of war
I know that diamonds mean money for this art
But that's not the shape of my heart
He may play the jack of diamonds
He may lay the queen of spades
He may conceal a king in his hand
While the memory of it fades
I know that the spades are the swords of a soldier
I know that the clubs are weapons of war
I know that diamonds mean money for this art
But that's not the shape of my heart
That's not the shape......the shape of my heart

And if I told you that I loved you
You'd maybe think there's something wrong
I'm not a man of too many faces
The mask I wear is one
Well, those who speak know nothin'
And find out to their cost
Like those who curse their luck in too many places
And those who fear are lost
I know that the spades are the swords of a soldier
I know that the clubs are weapons of war
I know that diamonds mean money for this art
But that's not the shape of my heart
That's not the shape of my heart
That's not the shape......the shape of my heart

前天看了别人的blog和spaces自己就突然有了建这个space的欲望，好多好多年都没有写过什么像样的东西了，真的没想到有一天自己也会选择这样一种方式来记录自己的生活，而自己却恰好也正有那么一种心情去做。

说实话看了同学的或者是别人的blog和spaces，我突然觉得自己活得很没有意思，别人一个个都是那么精彩，总有那么的活动区参加，而自己却还是始终逃不出self-abasement，虽然心中明白了许多事情（而这些事情也许如果我大学没有走得那么远，没有走进那么一个和我想象中的大学校园差距如此之大的学校，我不会有那么多感触），但是每当与现实碰撞的时候，自己永远还是选择退缩。但我相信有一天这会改变的。

在看了这许多的blog之后，我突然也明白了自己所要做的一些事情，现在的我们已经忘记了好多好多我们曾经热衷的或是本来就不该放弃的东西，说实话我讨厌每天只学习（这里说的学习特指为考试而学的），我觉得那很可悲，生活中的知识很多，很多很多都需要去学习，为什么一定要把自己禁锢在考试中，而不去追寻内心的感受呢。

自己也在这种考试学习中沉浮了十几年了，直到现在我才发现自己失去了多少，可是就像人们所说的那样，有得必有失，而有失肯定就必有得（不知道符合逻辑否），如果不是这样，也许今天我的内心也便不会有这样的感慨，我也不会用这样的眼光来看世界了。也许我本就不该这样去评论什么的好坏，只要是没有经历过的，我想一个人永远不能去评价它的好或坏，对或错。

PS：最近天气不好，心情有点压抑，但是还是很高兴有了一个地方让自己沉淀。呵呵！！！